Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
