After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
