in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
