I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
