Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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