Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We got so high we made milksteak
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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