Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
