i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
