I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
