i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
