No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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