I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
