4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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