Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
