Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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