You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
