well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
