so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I am one with the molecules
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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