he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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