I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
