she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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