I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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