I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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