Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize