How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
