How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
