Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
