3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dignity is for republicans.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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