instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
