I will die if light touches me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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