Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
