plz talk dirty to me
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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