right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
