and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
