I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
