i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
