You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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