The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
