The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
foreskin is a definite game changer
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
