She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
