Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
