I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize