It's Friday. Sex?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
