Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
