just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
