she smelled like a LAN party
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize