whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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