Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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