Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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