We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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