Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
