how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
