I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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