Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
