You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
