The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
