i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
