i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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