You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is my gift to your gina
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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