Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
