the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
