Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
