areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
