I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
