Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize