he shaved USA in his pubs
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
