I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
