I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
