You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
